One thing we have to do in life is learn how to work with difficult people. Whether it’s a family member, friend, colleague, etc. we have to be able to make sure we can accomplish our goals and tasks. In my own personal experience there are certain people who will act harshly either because they don’t care or they have nothing to lose. In other cases it could be something deeper than that like maybe projecting an insecurity. So how do we deal with people who may have difficult personalities, how do we know when someone may be projecting and what does America’s Next Top Model have to do with any of this?

So before we get in a little too deep, I have to say that this is definitely not a read of any particular person. Sometimes people can just rub you the wrong way and I’m sure we can all say that there may have been a time when we were the difficult ones. We all have different personality types, ways of being and ways of thinking. It’s no wonder that we don’t always mesh well with different people. It’s important to understand that there are ways in which we can make life difficult for other people. In this case when I’m talking about difficult people I’m talking about people who may exhibit certain behaviors.

Signs you may be dealing with a difficult person

• Acting in a way or saying things that are irrational
• Argumentative and easily irritated
• Every situation has to be all about them
• They can be oblivious to (or just don’t care about) the way they make others feel
• Always dominating the conversation
• Enjoys debating to a fault

When it comes to people we may say are difficult, it should be noted that these people aren’t necessarily bad. It could be that they have poor social skills. Maybe they’re having a bad day and don’t know how to effectively cope with the situation. Regardless of the reason, it should be noted that people who are extremely difficult to be around can, unknowingly, drain the energy of everyone around them. They enter a room and everyone ends up feeling exhausted.

There are many reasons as to why someone can be difficult, and I would like to think that a huge reason is some form of insecurity that needs to be resolved. So let’s get into why America’s Next Top Model is such a great way of examining this kind of situation!

So if you didn’t already guess, I’ve been binge watching this show on Hulu and before we deep dive I will say that this show is very entertaining. It’s hilarious to see clips from memes on my TV and to relive the early 2000’s in all its glory. I’m currently on Cycle 11 and I can see the shift from where the show was focused on the potential models to where it basically became the Tyra Banks Show 2.0.

This show is a great example of learning how to deal with difficult personalities because each season there is a house full of potential models who may have their own insecurities and difficulties to work out. It’s also interesting to watch because the contestants are all in a similar age range except maybe give or take a few people. Now I can’t say that this always happens successfully but thankfully we can take some lessons away.

When the competition gets heated, the insecurities come out.

Each season there’s a front-runner, or in the very least someone in the house who exhibits the most confidence. They are sure of their position in the competition and have no problem letting everyone else know about it. As the competition continues, they may start to ruffle some feathers and now the whole house is against them. Everyone else starts stepping up their game and now our front-runner is threatened. It’s not that people dislike them because of how rude, argumentative and competitive they’ve been. No. It’s because they’re “just jealous” or maybe it’s because “they feel threatened by [them]”.

When the game gets tough and the competition heats up, the insecurities come out in droves. Our front-runner can’t let people know that they are feeling insecure. They have to keep the game going, so rather than being vulnerable they have to keep their mask up. This difficult person is going to become increasingly difficult because they don’t know how to really deal with their insecurities. Unless they can let their guard down, there will always be tension in the house.

We all are vulnerable in different situations whether we want to admit it or not.

A famous line from almost any reality competition show is, “I didn’t come here to make friends”. We get it. The competition is fierce and the focus should be on winning; however, if you have to live in a house full of your competitors it may be in your best interest to be a little friendly. In the case of ANTM whenever a contestant wins a challenge they are given the option of inviting one of their friends or a few people in the house along to join them.

Now let’s not leave this scenario thinking that we have to be kind to people in order to get nice things. We should get to know people because we are genuinely interested in who they are as a person. For the individual in the house who didn’t take the time to make any friends, their only hope of getting an invite is if someone decides to show them a little bit of pity because no one else in the house liked them or cared to invite them.

When we let our insecurities keep us in a stronghold we’re not able to fully live our lives. We have to keep our walls up because we’re comfortable staying behind them. For the difficult person, they may not know what it looks like to be vulnerable and to let people see their weaknesses. We all have insecurities and it is important to understand that when we get to know people. People could be acting out of fear or a great sense of discomfort and we’d never know it. It could be a fear of failure, a fear of rejection or even some form of anxiety. There’s no perfect reason that can fully explain these interactions and that’s why empathy is such an important thing.

People who don’t know how to properly deal with strong emotions will inevitably project them onto others.

For some reason there’s always that one person who feels the need to pick on everyone that they deem is beneath them. As we’re learning this is largely due to their own insecurity. If you have to drag other people down in order for you to be happy about yourself… that’s a major problem. Projection is a defense mechanism that becomes active when someone’s ego has been wounded. Some common areas of project include:

• Anxiety
• Childhood traumas
• Insecurities
• Expectations
• Pent-up emotions

We could be projecting and not know it. Have you ever lashed out at someone and left feeling confused. Why did I say it like that? I didn’t mean it like that. We have all projected in one way or another. According to an article from the Happiness Clinic; “projection can cloud your vision and skew your perception of reality. This makes it hard to see a situation for what it is, and instead, morphs a person or situation into something it is not. When you engage in projection, you become susceptible to self-victimization and blaming other people for something you need to address within yourself.”

So how do we make sure we aren’t becoming the difficult person in the house? How do we make sure we aren’t projecting and blaming others for things they have nothing to do with?

Try to step into someone else’s shoes: We can’t understand everything that someone may be experiencing; however we can at least try to understand where someone is coming from. Try to think about how the other person would feel if they knew what you were thinking about at that moment.

Be honest with yourself: Try to understand what part of your life experiences is bringing up these strong emotions you are experiencing. Notice what assumptions are coming up. If you are having a strong reaction to something someone is saying or doing dig deep and figure out where the emotion is coming from. What is the emotion you are feeling? Where are you feeling it?

Think before you speak: If we don’t catch ourselves we could say something really hurtful to someone. We have to be sensitive to the ways in which people will react to us. If you lash out and ruin a friendship or burn a bridge you will be at a deficit and lose more than you’ll gain.

Breathe and analyze the situation: Sometimes deep breathing can calm us down more than we even think. Your emotions are an indication, but they are not meant to control you or influence your decisions. Take some deep breaths, meditate, or journal is you have to. Gain control of your emotions and see how your interactions change.

We all have things we can work on. Maybe there are triggers we aren’t aware of. Maybe we still have to work out certain blindspots. There are so many places and ways to learn to cope with our emotions and to work out our thought processes. Thankfully we can take some lessons away even from some of the most outrageous TV shows. Let’s commit to learning about ourselves and improving the ways in which we interact with other people.