I’ve been thinking a lot about validation and what that means for me. It’s easy to understand validation from the aspect of wanting to be accepted and wanting to feel like the things I say and do matter. But there is one issue that I’ve come to understand. We focus too much on receiving validation from other people and it can keep us stuck from growing into our own. We can get so caught up in wanting to be validated by others that we neglect to really check in with ourselves.

Seeking Validation

Validation is “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid and worthwhile. Validation can happen in different ways. Validating something doesn’t mean that you are agreeing with or supporting something. Validation really just focuses on acceptance of something. Even the most independent and confident people need to be validated. Seeking validation shouldn’t be confused with having low self-esteem. The key is also being able to validate yourself even when others aren’t giving it to you. So what happens when we don’t value our own emotions and feelings? What happens when we rely on other people too much?

We all have a need to belong to something and feeling accepted can ease a lot of tension we might experience in our lives. When we are accepted our value is being recognized and acknowledged. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted? There is nothing wrong with experiencing acceptance, but we all have to find balance in almost everything we do and seeking validation is not an exception.

If you haven’t noticed, I talk a lot about social media and that’s because it affects so much of what we do nowadays, and it ties in perfectly with this topic. Its easy to see how social media causes us to seek out validation from others. According to a study called, Generation Validation: The Role of Social Comparison in Use of Instagram Among Emerging Adults (Peta Stapleton, Gabriella Luiz, and Hannah Chatwin) our self-esteem and self-worth can be linked to our social media usage.

This may indicate that social comparison on Instagram provides young people whose self-worth is contingent on approval from others an opportunity to exercise their self-validation goals, and subsequently authenticate their self-worth. In the process of self-validating through social comparison, young people are more likely to fall into the trap of correspondence bias, which, in turn, adversely affects their self-esteem.

Social media can have so many positives. You can connect with interesting people, catch up with friends and family, and learn more about current events and news. You can even have a good laugh when you need it. While all this is true it should be noted that social media can have negative effects.

It really isn’t difficult to like a picture and likes on social media can get confused with real validation. We don’t always do a full evaluation of a picture or video before we decide to like it. The same can be said of the things you post. Social media validation is weak an shallow. It’s not really showing you if people care or if people really appreciate what you put out. We get so focused on churning out content and we don’t focus on making sure we are treating ourselves as if our lives matter. It’s okay if every detail of our life isn’t instagrammable.

How can we go about decreasing our need to be validated by other people?

You have to understand what kind of validation you are seeking. What is it that you are trying to get from these external factors such as social media? Like I mentioned earlier, there is nothing wrong with validation, but if we let it become the focus of all we do we lose sight of the things that really matter. No amount of social media validation can make up for truly living the life you want.

Part of trusting yourself is realizing that you don’t need a yes from everyone else in order for you to say yes to yourself! If you rely on others too much you may find yourself having a difficult time making certain decisions for yourself. You may even spend a lot of time second guessing yourself.