There’s something to be said for actually having the time and space to figure out who it is you want to be, where you want to go, and ultimately what it is you truly want for yourself. The highs and lows are endless and there are so many lessons to be learned along the way. Along with the pleasure of stepping into your true form and becoming the highest version of yourself, comes a very unique pain that is a unique part of the process…

Since the last time we came together I have been able to realize so many goals and dreams I had for myself. What sticks out to me the most is not really how my relationship with work has changed (and I get into that in Episode 13 of the podcast which will be out this Sunday, March 5th). I am mostly reflecting and thinking about the things I’ve experienced in my personal life. If you’ve seen any of those updates I now help with a nonprofit called Black Girls Do Engineer for the Los Angeles Chapter as an Executive Director for College Prep and Mentorship Programs. I am also now a part of a dance company called Vixens Dance. Two of those are things I never fully expected to happen, but I am definitely proud that I have the space to be able to do those things in the first place.

As I have allowed myself to be more authentic and honest with myself, I think I have also encountered a kind of unique pain. This is probably a form of a growing pain, but I do still have my moments where in the midst of finding my purpose (or purposes) I get a bit lonely or just feel a bit lost. It’s almost as if I can physically feel the separation between the old me and old goals, and the new me and the new passions and interests that I have made space for. It’s like fighting between two versions of yourself and you’re not sure which one is winning half the time.

Growing Pains

Here is a link to a great blog post I found talking all about growing pains by Tonya Leigh of School of Self-Image. This is what she has to say about growing pains:

In the same way that physical growth causes growing pains in childhood, personal development can cause psychological and emotional discomfort in adulthood. 

The discomfort caused by thinking outside of our usual patterns can create cognitive dissonance when long-held perspectives are challenged.

Tonya Leigh, “Growing Pains: Why Healing Can Be Painful”

This pretty much summarizes how I’ve been feeling in a much more succinct way! It’s about the discomfort. It’s being able to clearly see where the old me and the new me don’t match up. With all of these changes I’ve been experiencing, I’ve had to adjust. I’ve had to move my schedule around and try to figure out how I can make any of this work. I know that I can’t do it all and that even if I wanted to, it would be a terrible idea to try.

As we work through our past hurts and struggles we may come up against some of the old patterns, behaviors and thoughts that we are working to break away from in the first place. You can take me getting back into the podcast for example. I now can create more intuitively and I can recognize where old processes were leading me astray. I am working to improve, but when I don’t get the traction or I don’t feel that I’m reaching the right audience, I can easily find myself fighting against self-doubt and insecurity all over again. This journey is nowhere near linear and for every triumph and victory there may be a setback waiting around the corner. In those moments what matters more is not that I am finding myself entering a pattern (and of course it is important to recognize it and call it out). What matters more is how I respond. What matters more is how I stand up for the new me while confronting the old me. It’s a weird kind of constant battle, but what isn’t helpful is looking at yourself as some sort of final boss.

Struggling is a part of the process.

You will have your own struggles and your own setbacks too, but remember it’s all a part of the journey! You are growing and changing and the same way you may have experienced some weird changes when you were going through puberty, or even with specific life changes, it may get a little messy and a little uncomfortable. What I like to picture in my own mind is a future version of me who has accomplished what she wanted. I picture a version of me that didn’t give up on herself and kept going even when she did make herself her own final boss. I know that if I can keep going and genuinely give my best effort to the things I care about and dream about that I will make it to where I’m supposed to be. She’s just waiting on me to get there and I am not going down without a fight!

Here’s what I’ve been reflecting on:

• Just because things get a little uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean you are going down the wrong path. There are probably some things you need to learn in those uncomfortable moments.
• You are allowed to honor and respect the new version of you. Don’t be afraid of using those new tools or enforcing those new boundaries.
• You are not beholden to any old version of you. You are always allowed to change your mind.
• Growing pains may last for a time, but in the end they will subside.

I hope you were able to get something out of this or, at the very least, feel a bit more seen. I am excited to get back to doing the good work! In the meantime, you can catch the latest podcast episode on YouTube. In Episode 13 of the podcast, we have a little catch up, get into owning our journeys, and get real about what it means to be closer to thirty than twenty. Let’s get a little uncomfortable shall we?