How to Die Alone is a new show on Hulu by Natasha Rothwell. Here’s why I think it’s amazing and why you should probably watch it too…
You may not already know, but I do a decent amount of travel for work. Anytime I’m out and about in a new city or state, I usually end up finding something new to watch. While I was trying to think of options for my next binge, I remembered some of the buzz I had heard around a brand new show called How to Die Alone. I didn’t know what to expect and I’m glad I got curious enough to watch it. There was so much I learned and I took away a lot of lessons for my own journey.
How to Die Alone is a new Hulu show that was created by Natasha Rothwell. You may recognize her from Issa Rae’s Insecure where she was also writer and producer. This show follows Mel who is “a broke, fat, Black JFK airport employee who’s never been in love and forgotten how to dream, until an accidental brush with death catapults her on a journey to finally take flight and start living by any means necessary.” She’s someone who is living on the margins and looking for a change in her life. The brush with death caught me off guard, but I promise there’s so much to gain just by watching a few episodes.
Sometimes enough just stops being enough.
I was speaking with a friend recently, and something she said resonated with me so much. “Sometimes you don’t change things until things get bad enough for you to change them.” Hopefully it doesn’t take all of us having a brush with death to finally make some progress towards our goals and realize our wildest dreams. At a certain point what we tolerated in a season of comfort may stop feeling comfortable. The job that we tolerated may not look like something we can pursue long term. The friendship that flourished in one season may have to change as we realize our boundaries and needs. It’s normal to make adjustments in life and for Mel, coming face to face with death is what motivated her to truly start living her life.
In the show we see Mel coming to terms with the fact that she wants more for herself. Following her near death experience she admits something that strikes a nerve with anyone who struggles with feeling devalued and unseen.
“… The truth is, I wanna be seen. I want to be loved… I want someone to love me even though I can’t.” (Mel, Episode 1 “Stop Living”, How to Die Alone)
Like Mel, many of us feel like we are going unseen and unheard. We crave connection, purpose, and meaning. We lie to ourselves and act like we are okay with the loneliness or disappointment we feel inside. This scene touched me not only because of Rothwell’s performance but because of the level of vulnerability that was displayed. It felt like my most private journal entries were being read to me. The inner conflicts and realities I tried to push away were coming to light. In that moment I realized that I was a lot like Mel.
The power of this show is in the way you can connect with the main character. There were so many moments where I felt tears streaming down my face. It was a cathartic experience. She represents so many of us who have struggled to become the highest versions of ourselves. She may be imperfect, a little misguided, and even a little naive, but she is still deserving of receiving love. She is deserving of being seen and known for all of who she is.
There is no such thing as a perfect opportunity to change your life.
Without giving away too much of the show, Mel finds herself connecting to a woman named Elise in an unexpected turn of events. It’s far from the perfect moment and some of the actions Mel takes following their encounter can be seen as morally questionable. What stays with Mel is the idea that when she dies she will actually have something to look back on. She doesn’t want to have any regrets at the end of her life.
It’s easy to hold ourselves back because we’re afraid of taking the next step. We worry about getting it wrong or not actually landing where we want to. Mel eventually starts making changes that positively impact her friendships, relationships, career, etc. She begins finding herself and finding the confidence to do things that would normally scare her. The main point is that life can’t be fully lived without doing the thing that scare us. Fear is a very real thing, but it’s also temporary. A lot of what we fear will happen never comes to pass. We think that fear is protecting us when it’s only keeping us from taking action. (I made a podcast episode all about fear that you can listen to here.)
Things may not always go how we want them to, but that shouldn’t keep us from trying.
Towards the end of the season, Mel has to make one of the biggest decisions she’s had to make herself. She has to come to terms with the fact that going after what she wants may disappoint people and even cause some relationships to end. She wrestles with this decision and ultimately decides to take a leap of faith and let her deepest desires be known. In a way, she’s trying to rewrite the past and give herself another chance to have the love that she’s been wanting so badly.
This part of the season also shows us her flaws. Although we are rooting for her to grow and become the amazing woman she hopes to be, we’re also forced to ask ourselves if the decisions she’s making are wise. Her choices catch up to her result in a season finale that leaves you wanting more and keeping your fingers crossed for another season. She takes risks. She makes mistakes. She truly does what she can to make sure she does not regret anything in life.
We all weigh risk uniquely, but I’m sure we all find ourselves making the decisions that lead to one big question mark. We don’t always know what the outcome will be, but dancing with uncertainty and playing with possibility is a part of life. Even now I have found myself in a season full of unknowns and, like Mel, I truly hope that I don’t find myself regretting the fact that I didn’t take a chance. Even though I’m not looking at the end of my life I can still consider the next five years. Would I be disappointed if I was in the same exact position five years from now? In all honesty I would be kicking myself and asking myself why I didn’t take a chance and try creating the life that I want to live.
I have an idea of what I hope my life will look like. I also want to make sure that at the end of this life I took all the chances I wanted to. Even if I don’t know what that will look like, I can be a little more like Mel. I can make choices and take baby steps towards the things I want to experience in life. How to Die Alone was the show that I needed to see for the season that I’m in. Uncertainty doesn’t have an age limit and I appreciate shows like this that give us all permission to laugh, cry, and see ourselves in a new light. We don’t have it all together and Natasha Rothwell masterfully shows us that accepting this fact is perfectly okay. If you need something new to binge, I’d recommend giving this show a shot…
Season one of How to Die Alone is now streaming on Hulu.