Success is such an interesting topic to discuss. Success can mean so many different things to each of us, but we are all striving for it in one way or another. Whether it’s success in work, life, relationship, our business ventures, etc. we still would like to be considered successful… So what does success actually mean? What does it even look like and why do we feel so much pressure to attain it?
Earlier in the year I took a chance and started a Clubhouse room talking about “Escaping the Pressures of Success”, and also had a part 2 to wrap it up! I was sooo proud of myself because I had an opportunity to push through my anxiety and do something while I was scared. The conversation was amazing and I’m hoping to summarize some key points here! Success is subjective, but there are ways in which we all become familiar with it. We experience different markers of success throughout life. When we get good grades in elementary school we may get a gold sticker. When we get perfect attendance we may be rewarded with a coupon or a pizza party. Those are small examples, but let’s get into some bigger ones shall we?
We are taught that success comes in a certain pattern.
Step 1: Graduate high school with honors, recommendations, and amazing grades
Step 2: Find a good college with a good name and get in
Step 3: Graduate with a degree that is just right for that dream job you want to get
Step 4: Graduate from said college and get an amazing job with high pay and benefits at a notable company
Step 5: Live out the rest of your days completely fulfilled and happy with a hefty bank account and plenty of free time to travel
Success is subjective.
All of those things sound pretty great actually! The issue (and first point) is that success is subjective. We are pressured to go down this path because that’s how it’s “always been”. I’m not necessarily knocking the education system since I have an engineering degree, but we are not all guaranteed to go down this path and at the very least it may be harder for some to get this than others. There are plenty of people who can be considered successful and didn’t really take this traditional path. Think about all of the noted entrepreneurs, entertainers, inventers, etc. While it is possible to be successful without a formal education, it should be noted that the current society we live in virtually requires that people get a degree before they can even think of achieving a certain level of success. This pressure starts young and our education system is a prime example.
No one wants to be at the bottom.
In this system we are competing whether we realize it or not. There will be those students with a lot of achievements and accolades to their name. I thought I was doing something with my high GPA until I realized there were people with literal 5.0 GPAs (shoutout to all the AP/IB kids). I was just as smart, capable, and successful, but I still found that I wasn’t at the top. This is actually another point and a motivation for trying to be successful. There will always be a hierarchy and ultimately no one wants to be at the bottom. We are trying to be successful and on this hamster wheel because we don’t want to be at the bottom. The more successful we become the more secure we become (at least that’s what we think).
This is why Corporate America is set up the way it is-people slaving away for hours and doing what they can to claw their way to the top. Again, I can’t completely knock this since I have a 9 to 5, but you better believe I can critique it to the ground! What makes the CEO more important than the entry level employee? We have to factor in experience and expertise of course, but I would also argue that the level of notoriety and status also plays a huge difference. Ultimately we’re all working for “the man”. There is something strange about that fact that we have to spend so many hours of our lives not fully enjoying life and resting, but working and making money. Success is tied to money in a lot of ways. Can you say capitalism?
Even beyond the traditional work setting we are pushed to monetize every second of our existence. We have to monetize all of our hobbies and interests. You enjoy dancing from time to time? You should train to become a professional so you can book shows every once in a while. Do you like to paint? You should try scaling up your inventory and selling it. Are you on Instagram or Tik Tok? Try out these 50 tips to get more viewers and increase your visibility for brands!
We’re all a part of the system.
We are all operating in a system that we didn’t design, create, or even ask for! We all need to make a living and there is nothing wrong with finding different avenues to do it. I even have a side hustle of my own so you can say I’ve monetized at least one of my interests. Also, having the ability to make money via social media sounds amazing, especially if you are able to make more time to enjoy your life. I just find it interesting that no matter how you slice it or dice it, we all need money and somehow the more money you have means that you are more successful, at least more successful than the average person (and even defining what is average is another discussion entirely).
There are the Jeff Bezos and Elon Musks of the world that have seemed to achieve the unachievable and make the kind of money that could change thousands of lives, if not hundreds of thousands of lives. These are the kinds of people that we are taught to look up to-to emulate. These are the people who seem to have it all and have achieved the elusive American Dream. While it would be nice to have that kind of money, it’s kind of impossible to follow the exact paths they took to get to where they are. We love a good success story, but sometimes our “heroes” and “icons” aren’t always completely honest about success. I think this may be my last point, but here it goes….
Failure is just as important as success.
Yes. You read that correctly and I’ll type it out again. Failures are just as important as successes. We also need to hear about people’s failures and it is important that people are honest about what they did, what they struggled with, what they learned, etc. We get sucked into seeing people living the high life on social media. We drown ourselves in autobiographies and documentaries about all the people we’d like to be. We try to get even a crumb of what these people have, but we aren’t really learning anything new.
If all a successful person ever tells you about is their highlights they aren’t really helping you. They’re just trying to humble brag or something. There is so much that can be learned from failing and failing at something is not the end of the world. When we mess up we should think about it as an opportunity to try again and to improve. There’s nothing wrong with going through difficulties and it’s easy to want the success without doing the work to get there. We need to extend some grace to ourselves and be patient. Everything in life is a process and achieving our goals and dreams is not an overnight activity.
You can have your own definition of success.
Okay. Maybe I wasn’t completely straight up about the last point I wanted to make, but I think this one is more fitting. I’m in the early stages of my career (and possibly in a quarter life crisis, but again that’s another topic for another day) and I am getting to a point where I am finding fulfillment in other areas of my life. I feel successful when I remember to take care of myself and do some yoga or meditate. I feel successful when I pick up a new hobby or learn and interesting skill. I feel successful when I make it through a day and can find moments of gratitude. Of course a pay check is great, but I don’t get all of my fulfillment from working my 9 to 5. I am allowed to determine what success looks like to me and if that looks like conquering the small things and doing what I love for myself than that’s fine.
I could spend hours talking about this, but I think I’ll leave it here. Finding success in life is not without struggle or failure. We can’t measure ourselves or our lives by what other people may deem as “success”. This is a very interesting to talk about and I would love to hear your thoughts. What does success look like to you? How do you escape the pressures of being successful?